Why did you go when I was not able to fend for my self. Was it my fault you could not handle the responsibility. I am sure I would make you proud if you got to know me. I see you are dealing with your own grief of leaving me, I understand and try to make that up to you, I’m sorry for your loss. I don’t want to see you hurting as I know how it feels you see. I lost one of the greatest loves that life could offer me, that bond between daughter and mummy. You’re still alive but you will never know me, and that hurts sometimes as much as when you left me. You never got to see my first achievements or mistakes in life, my first kiss, my first exam, my first love. To guide me in the ways of the feminine. And because you were not there I struggled to believe I was worthy of anyone’s love. No one taught me to heal the rejection I felt in my heart. How to let love in without fear of it leaving me. But its ok now mum, cause I have learnt how to kiss my eyelids goodnight and how to say I love you when I feel scared. I am learning how to hold people closer now and not fear their rejection. To be vulnerable was always too painful as it reminded me of our goodbye. I kept abandoning myself over and over. I will always weep for what could have been, for I have missed you all the while. But I am now letting love in because I am learning to mother myself. I think you would be proud. I am pretty brave little soul, who is no longer giving up on me, just because mummy did.
Thank you for these lessons <3
K.T

15/01/2017